


Subdivisions

by elleontherun



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Skyhill (Band), The Northern Hues (Band)
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Illness, Multiple Personalities, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, mentions of drug use, mentions/thoughts of suicide, slight dubcon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-07 14:31:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10362534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elleontherun/pseuds/elleontherun
Summary: He thought they were gone... Trapped away for what he thought was forever... When Leigh's alters emerge after years of dormancy, can you still love him? All of him?





	1. The Unattractive Truth

Now Leigh... He was sweet. Every aspect of him from his laugh to the way he'd tangle his fingers with yours as his lips pressed slow worshipful kisses over every inch of your skin. He was kind, gentle, caring and a perfect lover in every sense of the word.

Danny on the other hand... Danny was rough. Firm. **Dark**. His kisses turned to bites without a moment’s notice and slow gentle hands would grip your hair so tightly, you'd wonder if it would be there when the night was finished. He swore like obscenities were his own special oxygen.

At first you thought it was a kinky thing... "Call me Danny... Leigh is long gone baby... and he doesn't have to know a thing." It made you shudder the way he nipped at your ear, his hand pushing down the front of your panties without another word as he pulled your back flush against his front.

You were awakened the next morning though by a choked off sob as Leigh examined you, bruises coating your inner thighs, a faint hand print at the base of your neck and hickeys all over your shoulder. You sat up confused only for him to say "It's stopped working... he's back..."

Strong hands cupped your cheeks, searching your tired confused eyes. "Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" Tears filled the beautiful brown eyes you loved so much and you shook your head as tears began to pool in your own.

"W-What are you talking about...?" You sniffled and he began to wipe the tears before they could fall down your cheeks. He caressed the side of your arm and shook his head.

"I knew I'd have to tell you eventually..." He looked down, curls falling to obstruct your view of his face, his body giving a light shudder as he cried again. "I have a personality disorder." He said softly, face still turned down. "I thought it was controlled... I thought it was handled... and yet he's gotten his filthy hands on you..."

"No you didn't hurt me..." You replied, shaking your head and trying to will away the tears, but they flowed faster as his face fell.

"HE didn't hurt you.... Don't you ever compare me to him...." His hands gripped your wrists gently and he kissed the inside of your palms. "Danny is an alternate personality...." he continued, chewing his lip as silent tears poured like a quiet summer rain. "I had more when I was younger, but once I hit the hot years of puberty, I think he took over..."

"So you.... It's your body, but..... not you? Don't you remember?" You asked, searching his eyes for some sign that this was just a sick prank.

"No... I don't remember... It's like a black out... It's like I can't access those memories because they're /his/... not mine..." He wiped at his eyes and stood to his feet, walking over to the doorway. "You don't believe me......"

You stood to your feet, following after him and wrapping your arms around his waist. "It's a lot to take in..."

"You aren't denying it..."

"Leigh." Your voice was flat, trying to hide all the overwhelming emotions rushing over you and he leaned his head against the door frame. You could practically see his face. The hurt. The tears. That's why he turned away. He wanted to hide just as much as you did.

"You aren't denying it...." He repeated, voice more broken this time.

"It's a lot to take in. It's not that I don't believe you... I guess I just don't understand why it hasn't come up before now... This is... A big thing..."

"I thought maybe if I didn't talk about it, it would just go away!" You could hear the gritting of his teeth, feel the way his body tensed up. You took a step back, startled at the way he'd raised his voice. His shoulders slumped and he began to sob, flinching at the feeling of your fingertips on his bare back. "Don't... just.... Don't..."

He disappeared out the doorway and you heard him pad down the stairs, presumably to the kitchen. A part of you wanted to run... take your things and go... Leave. This was too much. This was too crazy... This wasn't what you wanted or asked for, but the ache in your chest stopped those thoughts in their tracks as you heard a choked sob from downstairs and the sound of glass shattering. You followed in his footsteps, slowly descending the stairs and rounding the corner into the kitchen where he was on hands and knees, picking up large pieces of what used to be his favorite mug.

"I dropped it..." He said flatly, sniffling as tears puddled on the ground.

"You're gonna flood the place baby..." You said, grasping his chin so he would look up at you. You'd never seen someone so vulnerable, and certainly not this man who was so strong... a tower... a wall. "Go sit... I'll make you your tea... and we'll talk about all of this later, ok?"

"No it's... it's alright... We can talk now... I just... I can't run from this... I care about you too much and if you're going to be a part of my life... then I have to tell you the truth... I have to tell you who I am....... who /we/ are...." He chewed his lip, leaning back against the counters behind him.

"How long have you known...."

"My family didn't really realize what was going on.... Everyone just said I was a bad kid. I would go through fits of muteness because one of them, who everyone affectionately called 'Mouse,' just didn't speak... He was Dana's favorite..." He managed a little laugh and wiped at his eyes. "One was always angry... One was a girl.... One was like Avi... I just... It was /weird/ for me to behave the way I did... It confused the fuck out of my parents until I was about 8 and Mom finally said they should take me to the doctor...." He huffed. "And so began the tests... the psychological examination... all this.... _stuff_... and basically they sat my parents down and told them that their little boy had Multiple Personality Disorder.... It's dissociative identity now... but still... They had to wrap their heads around the concept of alters.... and just all of this stuff... We went through and sorted out who was who... gave them all names, though Danny always had one... He was mischievous... He's the one who cut Dana's hair when she was sleeping... He's the one that would push girls over at school....." His cheeks grew pink. "He ruined my Bar Mitzvah." He shook his head.

"So... You've.... Always kind of had it?" You asked, tucking his hair behind his ear.

"For as long as I can remember... They say alters can appear as early as age three... My parents always said that explained why I was so all over the place all the time." He sighed. "When I was a teen, things started to change... Mouse went away and suddenly Danny was showing up more... Sometimes I could see them in my dreams... Danica, the girl, was rambunctious... playful... She'd ask Dana to take her shopping... Do her make up... Eventually she was gone... I think Danny scared her away too..."

"So what you're saying is...."

"He ruins everything...." Leigh stopped, looking at the ceiling for a long moment. You touched his shoulder, but he didn't respond.

"Leigh....?" You laid your head on his shoulder and held his hand, giving him a moment, listening to him breathing before he finally sighed.

"I'll never understand why he's so ungrateful...." He huffed, pulling his hand away from yours and standing up.

"What?" You looked up, brows furrowing. He started crying again and you leapt to your feet until the cries turned from genuine to this wickedly mocking sound.

"He ruins _everything!_ " He turned his head and laughed crossing his arms. "Please, babe... I make his life fucking fan-tastic.... I mean if he coulda heard the noises you made last night maybe he'd realize just how good I am for him."

"You..... Wha?" You took a step back as he moved toward you.

"I suppose I should formally introduce myself then, eh?" He bowed at the waist, looking up at you as his curls fell into his eyes. "Daniel Y Sexbang at your service, my love..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to my best friend for proofreading/editing/helping me get this all situated for posting. You the real MVP. 
> 
> I tried to do a lot of research for this fic. I don't really remember where the inspiration came from, but I thought it was a neat idea given the drastic difference between Danny Sexbang and Dan himself. He goes by Leigh in the story to be separated from the alter of Danny. 
> 
> IF THERE IS /ANYTHING/ PORTRAYED ABOUT DID/MPD THAT I NEED TO EDIT OR CHANGE IN MY WRITING. PLEASE. LET. ME. KNOW. I like to be an educated author and I am open to any nudges about what I know I could potentially be wildly wrong about.


	2. Alter-native Love

He grasped your hand and kissed the back of it. Pulling your hand away, you wondered how he could look so different and yet just like Leigh at the same time. "Wild isn't it? That such a boring son of a bitch can have someone as amazing as me all locked up in his noggin?"

"Don't let that whiny piss baby stop you from enjoying _me_..." He said bluntly. "I've done nothing wrong to deserve being locked away... He just can't deal with his emotions and shit... Hell that's why we manifest...." He took your hand once more and stepped closer to you, effectively trapping you against the counter. "And the safe word is _sandwich_..." He whispered, leaning in to kiss your neck just below your ear.

"No. The safe word is get **off** of me...." You pushed him but he grabbed your wrists.

"Hey look... I'm sorry I'm a little rusty... And I'm sorry you had to find out about me like this, but I promise I'm not a bad guy.... Not at all... You've just gotta give me a chance..." He cupped your chin and made you look into his eyes, which were just the same eyes that you loved so dearly. "C'mon, baby... don't let him spoil our fun.... He doesn't know... He never knows...."

You shivered at the thought of it all... a lover who was really just... him. Leigh... Your boyfriend who you loved... But just.... not him... You closed your eyes shaking your head. "I need to get my head around this...."

"The only thing that needs to get around anything is that beautiful mouth on my c--"

"Don't you dare." You pushed on his chest, effectively backing him up and his eyes darkened as he fully pinned you to the counter.

"What was that, sweetheart? Are you bossing _me_  around? I know we just met but there's one thing you should know about Danny Sexbang... No one bosses him around... Not that pussy Leigh and sure as shit not you... I'm in charge... I'm the boss and you _will_  listen to me. You got that babe?" His chest was heaving as he spoke, eyes filled with something that you couldn't place, but it made your entire body buzz in a mix of fear and excitement.

You were losing your train of thought as you tried to talk back to him and he smirked, leaning in and kissing you. Leigh never kissed you like that... Rough. Hard. Powerful. It was a kiss that made your toes curl as his grip on your wrists tightened. He released you after a moment and you bit your lip, for a long second enjoying the afterglow until the fog cleared. Almost out of reflex you raised your hand, open palm meeting his cheek. "I said don't tou--" You gasped as he once more caught your wrist, this time turning you to face the counter and pressing himself flush against you, lips connecting with the back of your neck.

You should have been fighting harder, but everything in you wanted to give in to him. Every part of you wanted you to keep fighting just to see how far he would go, just how rough he could get, just how dark those eyes would grow. You were snapped out of your thoughts by the sound of a moan, your own, echoing through the kitchen at feeling of his teeth making gentle bites at the back of your neck.

"Now tell Daddy you're sorry...." He whispered against your skin, his voice reaching a new level of sultry.

"I....."

"Say it...." He bit down on the side of your neck and you moaned again.

"Fuck... I'm sorry..." You pressed back into him and he chuckled, almost darkly, into your flesh.

"You're sorry _what_...." His words were harsh, his teeth nipping your earlobe were harsher. "And watch your fuckin' mouth...."

"I-I'm...." You stuttered, taking a deep breath as you tried to ground yourself. "I'm s-sorry, Da--" You shook your head. "I can't... do this..."

"You can and you will because I said so... Tell me you're sorry... Now." Just like that your head was yanked back and his mouth was on your neck once more, the hand not gripping your wrist threaded through your hair and pulling harshly.

"Ah! I'm sorry, Daddy! I'm sorry!" You didn't expect it to feel as good as it did, the nickname... You'd always thought it was silly the way people said it and only ever used it in an ironic context, but this... This made every part of your body feel warm and you'd probably have hit the floor with the way your knees went weak. You could feel the way he smiled against your skin and he started to chuckle.

"You like the way that feels don't you, hmm? C'mon baby... Sweetheart... You _sexy_  little thing... Don't you like this.... even just a little bit?" He continued to press kisses to your skin like little physical punctuation marks, a slow lingering one when he trailed off, a smirk when he questioned you, a bite to end a command.

"Y-Yeah...." You finally breathed out, lip catching between your lower teeth. "Yeah Daddy I... I enjoy it..." The name rolled off your tongue easier this time and the taste of it made your core grow warm. You were really beginning to love this.

"S'what I thought you filthy little **slut**." His words were sharp and you shuddered, holding your breath. "If he could just fucking see you right now... A fucking mess and I haven't even _touched you_  yet..." He released your wrist and his hand once more slid into your panties, moaning as he cupped you, feeling your wetness with three strong fingers. He let out a dark chuckle that sent goosebumps rippling over every inch of your skin. "my, my, baby... What are we gonna do with this dripping wet cunt...?"

You let out a long whine at the word that normally made you cringe but somehow sounded so amazing passing through his lips.

"Am I gonna bend you over this counter and fuck you nice and rough? Hold those beautiful hands behind your back and just..."

"We can't do this...." You shook your head, trying to snap out of it. This wasn't Leigh. Everything felt wrong despite the we your body was reacting to the familiar, yet rough, touch of your lover. "You have to stop..."

The chuckle that you could feel rumble through his chest made you cringe and at the same time, you could feel your juices flowing onto the hand still just pressed against your slit. He shook his head, resting his forehead against your shoulder as he started to laugh... this full, sick, twisted laugh.

"I can already tell you're gonna be fun... You just won't fucking learn will you...?" His hand moved up your front, over your shirt to wrap his fingers around the base of your neck, applying pressure slowly. Your heart started pounding as he began to grind into your ass. "Daddy will get what he wants... Daddy /always/ gets what he wants..."

You whined slowly and your throat vibrated against his fingers. He chuckled and squeezed a bit tighter and you choked lightly before emitting a low whimpery moan. "God you're fucking _filthy_..." His hips continued to roll against you and you could just feel the hardness of his cock through his boxers. He loosened his grip on your neck and cupped your face before pressing his thumb to, and then past your lips, pressing the pad of it against your tongue. "Suck for Daddy..." He commanded and you sealed your lips around the digit, whimpering as you sucked slowly. You felt him shudder against you. "He'd be cumming right now... Watching us... Watching this... Seeing you submit to me like the filthy little thing you are..."

"I...." Your lips released his thumb as you tried to speak and he clutched your jaw.

"Did I say you could stop?" He shifted his hand, his first two fingers slipping into your mouth. You closed your eyes and sucked almost eagerly. "There you go baby... just like that... God Daddy already loves your pretty little mouth..."

You whined, wondering if you were going to cum just right there just like that, one of his hands cupping your center while the other forced his fingers into your mouth. You moaned, rolling your tongue against the pads of his fingers.

"I'm gonna fuck you now..." He whispered, pulling his fingers from your lips and turning your head so he could kiss you roughly. "I'm gonna fuck you until you're cumming so hard you can't breathe...." He moved his hand to your back and pushed slowly, smiling as your torso moved forward over the counter. He released his grip on your core and pulled his hand from your panties. There was a long moment of silence before you heard a soft sucking sound followed by a moan. "You taste fucking amazing..." You shuddered at the realization of what he was doing, but didn't have long to dwell on it before his hand was once more slipping down your front.

This time, two fingers easily slipped into your slick entrance and he moaned, kissing your back as he started to finger you steadily. His long fingers curled inside you and you gasped, your entire body shuddering seemingly against its own will.

"God you're so fucking hot..." He whispered, curling his fingers again and you gasped loudly. "You like that baby... when I stroke you your G spot with my fingers? Is that good?"

You nodded and he swatted your ass quickly. It wasn't enough to truly hurt, but it was enough to get your attention and make you throb slowly around him.

"I expect an answer when I ask you a question."

"Yes... Yes it's so good... I think I'm gonna—"

"You absolutely are not... And you will not until I say you can... Do you understand?"

"Yes..."

Another swat. "Yes what?"

You whined quietly and pressed back against him. "Yes, Sir..."

He gripped your hips and smirked to himself before pulling you up by your hair, starting to kiss your neck. "Walk..." He commanded, guiding you as the two of you walked together. He stopped when you were in the bathroom, flicking on the light. "I want you to see this..." He whispered darkly and he pushed you forward once more, your hand finding a spot on the mirror to rest. "God just look at yourself..." His hand, still tangled in your hair, forced your head to pull up enough to catch the view.

You were a fucking mess. Your entire body trembled, hickeys from the night before were seasoned with fresh bite marks. he was towering behind you, eyes darker than you'd ever seen with a twisted smile plastered on his face. Your eyes met his in the mirror and he bit his lip. His cock once more was pressed against your ass and he smiled.

"Be a good little slut and follow directions so Daddy can use his hands properly... Don't you dare look away..." He let go of your hair and both hands pushed down your panties. His eyes were still locked on yours as he forced your legs to open wider with his knee. He began to prod at your entrance slowly with the head of his cock and your eyes fluttered shut. "What'd I just fuckin say..." He pulled his cock away from you and you whined as he once more swatted your ass.

You looked up weakly, eyes meeting his once more and he started to tease you again. "Beg me to fuck you..." He said forcefully, now able to thread his hand back into your hair.

"Please.... Please Danny... Daddy... Babe... I won't tell him... I won't say a word... Just please fuck me... Please let me feel your cock all the way inside me..." You gasped, eyes locked on his until he closed them.

"Who am I to deny a slut their wish hmm?" He chuckled and pushed his hips forward, thrusting in slowly until he was in all the way to the hilt. You gasped in shock and blinked slowly, biting your lip. "He doesn't give it to you that

good does he?" A few moments of silence passed before he pulled out all the way, thrusting back in once more. "I asked you a question.

"N-no! He never gives it to me like that... Fuck..."

"Watch your /mouth/...." The last word was punctuated by another thrust, equally as rough as the first two. "That's because he can't... He can't use what he's got..." He chuckled. "I on the other hand..." He thrusted a few more times, this time at varying depths, the shallowest one making you shudder. "I know how to use what I've been given... And use it right... I'll show you sex like you've never known..." His fingers found your clit and he began to rock slowly, rubbing his fingers in rough circles. You moaned quietly and he started to thrust again, leaning over you.

"K-kiss me..." You pleaded. "please kiss me, Daddy..."

He leaned closer and his lips caught yours as his hips moved quicker. You moaned into his mouth and his lips parted, tongue pressing slowly against yours. He pulled away after a moment. "You wanna come, don't you?" He could tell by the way your body shook that you were close and he smiled. "You wanna come on Daddy's cock?"

You nodded eagerly and he chuckled yet again. "Ok baby... Come for me... Come for Daddy and don't hold back... I wanna... fuck... feel you come on my cock..."

It started in your toes and at the tips of your fingers. Your nails scraped against the mirror and the countertop as all of your digits curled, trying to find purchase on something. Your knees went weak and Danny pressed you harder into the counter, snaking an arm around your waist so you wouldn't fall as your legs began to shake uncontrollably. Pleasure began to tear through your body and you could feel yourself tightening around Danny's cock which was still thrusting steadily.

That's when you started to scream. It was desperate and reckless, sensual and pleading as you called his name over and over again so loudly you knew you'd have no voice within a few hours. He continued fucking into you, letting you ride out your orgasm until you slumped over the counter, tears filling your eyes as your body trembled.

He pulled you upright and pressed close to you, kissing gently beneath your ear. "Gotta relax, baby... I can't pull out..." He bit at your shoulder gently as a sob wracked your body and he held you closer. "Shhhh.... sh ah... No don't do that, baby... Don't cry..." He turned your face toward him and kissed away tears that fell slowly down your cheeks. "God I know... It's overwhelming but you've gotta breathe... Look at me..." He squeezed your chin and you opened your eyes. There were those same reliable pools of coffee brown. Your heart melted and your entire body seemed to relax, allowing him to slip out of you, an action that made you shudder. He wrapped his arms around you and made you look at yourself.

"Look, beautiful... You're glowing..." His face split into a smile and your heart fluttered. "God you're so beautiful..." He turned you around and started to kiss you, strong hands holding you at the small of your back, lips parting every few moments to feel your tongue against his own. He moaned, sighing a little as he pulled away.

"You haven't...." You felt his length still pressed, rock hard, against your leg. You sniffled and bit your lip.

"Shhhh.... Next time... Go get in bed... I'll be there in a minute..."

"But I—" The swat was gentle, playful and you jumped slightly in his arms. "Yes Danny...." You whispered before heading into the bedroom, climbing into the satiny sheets, feeling like you would disappear in his ocean of a bed.

You were nearly drifting off to sleep, but you could hear him, cursing. He called out your name over and over again like he was singing your praises. It made your cheeks grow hot.

The noise he made as he came was animalistic, something you'd never heard Leigh get even /close/ to and it made you shudder. You imagined what it would be like, coming with him, feeling his cock inside you as he tipped over the edge, practically singing your name with a countermelody of obscenities...

You were asleep by the time he came into the room, but your eyes fluttered open when he slowly pushed your legs apart. "Shhhh...." He crawled up over you as he pressed a cold rag to your center. "Gotta take care of my baby..." He whispered, and you shuddered.

"Leigh?" You questioned quietly, but blushed when you heard his laughter.

"Nah... I see why you'd think that.. But no... Come on... What's good old fashioned rough fuckin' without the aftercare..." He pressed a kiss to the shell of your ear and hummed against you. He pulled away from you once more, this time coming back next to you. "S'gonna be cold..." He whispered before beginning to ice gently at the hickeys on your neck, shoulders, jaw and chest. "He won't let me love you..."

The silence that hung between the two of you was almost as painful as the ice against your bare skin and you hissed quietly, realizing he wouldn't elaborate unless you asked.

"What do you..." You trailed off, biting your lip.

"I've wanted this since the moment he laid eyes on you..." He explained, kissing gently over your now ice cold skin. "He's been fighting me especially hard... He didn't want me to see you... He didn't want me to touch you... To feel you... to kiss you...." His voice was full of sadness and your heart suddenly ached for him. "I am part of him and yet... He won't let me share in the joy of making love to you... Of pleasuring you and just... loving you..." He sighed a little, pressing a slow kiss to your lips. "And now I have and I don't want to stop..." He pulled you close to his body and you whimpered. "Goodnight, beautiful..."

"Danny... Wait...."

"What?"

"You'll stay right... Till I wake up...?"

"Of course babe..." He wrapped you up in his arms and nuzzled his face into your neck. he hummed under his breath and eventually started singing to you... Quietly... _Lovingly_... Your heart ached and you drifted off, trying to sort out this mess of a love triangle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these first two chapters mark the beginning of my time on AO3. I look forward to getting some feedback. I'll try to update at least once or twice a week from here on out. 
> 
> Thanks for joining me on THIS CRAZY ROLLERCOASTER.


	3. And Yet...

You pressed into him as you awoke, already feeling the effects of what you'd done with him earlier that day. He was awake, watching you intently as his hand stroked your cheek.

"Leigh....?" You whispered cautiously, biting your lip as he propped up on one elbow to look down at you.

"Wrong again, sweetheart..." He chuckled and leaned in to kiss you.

"Did you sleep?" You asked as he pulled away, noting his sleepy eyes. He shook his head and laughed.

"I was worried if I fell asleep you'd wake up with him..." He confessed, tangling his fingers with yours. "And Daddy doesn't break his promises..." His lips twisted into that dark, devilish smile you were starting to adore and he sighed. "I can't stay for too long though..."

You nodded. "Is there a way for me to..." You trailed off, feeling guilty for what you were asking.

He was quiet for a long while, but you didn't press him, figuring this must be difficult. "It's best if you just tell him the truth... Tell him what happened.... Probably... Best not delay the inevitable... If you let it go on for too long he'll say you were cheating... Which although not true… Makes sense. If you tell him the truth maybe you two can... Work something out...?"

"I see..." You felt your heart begin to pound at the idea of telling Leigh the truth. What if he got upset again... What if he—

"Babe..... Are you ok?" You looked up at the confused tone, ripped from your thoughts as you looked into eyes that were undeniably his.

"Leigh? ……Leigh!" You pulled him into your chest and peppered kisses all over his face, suddenly delighted to just see him. The man you loved, adored and knew so well. He didn't react much, but pulled away from you a little. Right on cue, his eyes pooled with tears. "No.... Stop... It's ok! Please... Don't... _Don’t_ cry..."

"How long was I gone?" He asked, your heart splitting in your chest as his lip quivered.

"About six hours..." You stroked his cheek and smiled a little.

"Did he—"

"He didn't hurt me... He didn't do anything of the sort..."

"Did he—"

" _Yes_. He touched me... Leigh... If you'll let me, I'll tell you everything..." At your offer, Leigh nodded quietly and leaned back, unable to look at you, opting to train his eyes on a crack in the ceiling. “I pushed him away… I really tried. But he’s… He’s _you_ and it is—” You huffed as you tried to find the words, having hoped you would have more time to sort out the words before he returned. “It’s damn difficult to try and deny someone when they look, sound and feel _exactly_ like the person you’ve been with for so long.”

“Understandable.” All emotion was drained from his voice. You watched his eyes following the little crack back and forth almost as if waiting for the ceiling to give and cave in on the two of you.

“Do you want the specifics or just—” Your question went unfinished when his eyes shut tight and he turned his head violently to silently tell you _no_. You fought the urge to wrap yourself around him again. “Okay… No worries. I just… eventually gave in to him. He did not hurt me. When it was all over, he wrapped me up and encouraged me to talk to you. He told me you’ve been trying so hard to keep him away… That he thinks he lo— “

“ **Don’t.** ” He was moving off of the bed before you could respond. “Don’t… Don’t fuckin’ tell me that he says he loves you because it’s a lie. It’s all a lie. Don’t you get that???” As he turned to face you, his voice grew more intense and you averted your eyes, shame threatening to swallow you whole.

You waited for a lecture. You waited to be scolded for letting Danny in. Nothing came. You were left to process the moment yourself when Leigh exited the room. The sound of the door closing, albeit gently, felt like a kick to the stomach and you doubled over as tears sprung from your eyes.

He was right to be frustrated. You knew this, and yet—deep down –you couldn’t help but feel like none of this was fair. He was _right_ to be frustrated. You knew this, and yet you couldn’t stop yourself from loading the suitcase. He was _absolutely right_ to be frustrated. You knew this, and yet you walked out the door, ignoring his pleading.

He was _right_ to be frustrated… You left anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Such drama. Many cliffhanger. 
> 
> I know this is quite a short chapter, but when I sat down to write I couldn't really figure out where to go. I finally figured it out and have an idea where everything goes from here. Expect an update soon!
> 
> I want to thank everyone for the positive feedback, kudos and comments so far. I know I haven't replied as of yet, but I'm gonna get on that. 
> 
> Also, special shoutout to SirChinnigan for encouragement and a little bit of muse regarding this fic. I've reached out to them and let them know privately, but their works have helped me significantly out of a funk and also given me inspiration to start writing again. If you haven't read any of Sir's works (who am I kidding. I'm sure you have they are /incredible/) be sure to check them out!


	4. Any Escape Might Help to Smooth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS/PLANNING OF SUICIDE.   
> This chapter starts with a flashback before bringing us to present day where the reader returns to the house that is shared with Leigh.

~Danny’s POV – 1996~

 

He sat in the center of his room, legs that were quickly growing to be too long for his body tucked up underneath him. “27… 28… 29….” His hands shook as he counted out the colorful little tablets. He’d been planning it now for a month. Avi and Deb had reached a point of trusting him when he said he’d taken his meds for the day. Sure it was only a half dose, sure he’d been blacking out more, but ultimately it would be worth it. The sooner he got it done, the sooner he wouldn’t have to worry about _them._

His parents always assumed he was in his room playing his video games anyway. High school was hard enough as it were, and they understood that fact. His personal situation didn’t make it any easier. They knew he had a friend or two, but were confident that no one from his school truly knew that there was more than one side to Leigh Avidan.

“What’re you doing?” The small voice cut through the mile-a-minute thoughts raging through his mind.

“Oh… Uh… Dana…” Leigh scrambled to put the Skittles bag back in the top drawer of his nightstand. “You know just… having a couple of Skittles… Avi and Deb don’t like me having sugar this late. Don't tell?”

“As long as you don't go waking up Danny… But you know I would never...” Dana walked over to his bed, sitting down beside him and running her hand through her hair. Leigh gritted his teeth, hating that he had to watch her pretend this new style was 100% ok.

It had been two weeks since the incident and Leigh had yet to forgive himself. He should have locked up his scissors. He should have made sure everyone locked their doors before going to sleep.

“Dana you know I’m—“

“Leigh. I’ve told you it’s ok… It wasn’t your fault. I never think anything _he_ does is _your_ fault.” She leaned her head against his shoulder and he laughed quietly to himself.

“It’s hard for me to reassure myself of that. I just wish it was less of _him_.” He fell silent, looking at the ugly burgundy carpet that spread out across his floor. _I wish it was more of **me.**_ He thought to himself.

“It’ll get better. And I love you… You know that. All of you. Even though Danny’s a terrible stylist.”

Laughter. Genuine laughter. He closed his eyes and leaned back a bit, swinging his arm around his sister as laughter turned to tears.

“I love you too, Dana… You’re the best little sis a guy could ask for…”

 

* * *

 

~Present – Reader’s POV~

You closed your eyes, standing in front of the door for far longer than you should have. This was your apartment. You’d lived there now for 18 months. You shouldn’t have been terrified to step inside, but you had zero idea what would be waiting for you when you finally pushed that door open.

“Leigh?” You were standing in the foyer now, staring at your feet as you listened for an answer.

Nothing.

“……..Danny?” This call was more hesitant and you held your breath, tiptoeing through the front of the small house. “Babe I’m….” You weren’t sure if you should apologize. Had you really been in the wrong? It had been a few days since you’d left, but you were shocked to find the mug from that day still shattered on the floor of the kitchen.

As you moved into the next room you could hear the clicking that was, without a doubt, coming from a gaming remote. You took a few more steps before you could see him sitting in the center of the living room, legs crossed and a blanket draped around his shoulders.

“You can’t just give me the silent treatment… You haven’t called… or texted… I wanted to give you space but I just… I miss you and I’m… confused... but we can work this out… I really believe that... We just have to try.” You huffed and looked at him once more.

A cursory glance before he turned his gaze back to the screen.

“Seriously? That’s it… That’s all I get? What the _fuck_..?” You couldn’t help but be annoyed as you placed yourself between his eyes and the television. You noted the slight flinch of his shoulders and he turned his face downward, suddenly fascinated with the remote he was clutching. “Can’t you at least say _something_?”

Your heart sank when his eyes finally met yours through the unwashed curls hanging in front of his face. Even with the lack of light in the room you could see the way his cheeks were stained with tears. His lower lip was obviously pulled between his teeth and he just shook his head ever-so-slightly. Realization hit you in that moment and you crouched a little, wracking your brain for the information Leigh had given you days before.

Danica was the girl. AJ was like his Dad. One was always angry. **Mouse.** He was the quiet one, right? Dana’s favorite. You chewed on your lip for a moment before speaking again, knowing that if you were correct in your thoughts, he wouldn’t speak at all.

“Ahm…. Mouse?”

His face turned upward and you gasped quietly, bringing your hand to your mouth as you broke out in a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect more soon. I'm still working so there could be another chapter either later tonight or within the next couple of days! I love to hear feedback so let me know your thoughts! Thanks for the kudos and the good word so far!


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